Hey you 🖤

not a single day has gone by, you know? not one where you haven't crossed my mind. where i haven't found myself wondering what you're up to, how you're doing. who you even are? and why all this... this everything? does any of it even make a damn bit of sense anymore? these are the questions that haunt the replay reel in my head.


so, in a twisted way, maybe I should be sending up a thank you note for the radio silence. because, let's be honest, any interaction would probably send me spinning off my axis, big time.

that feeling that creeps in during those moments? man, it’s a beast to pin down. it’s like every atom in my body is itching to just… detonate. explode into a thousand tiny pieces. if i could, i swear i’d rip this skin-suit right off and stomp on it like some kind of deranged lunatic. it’s like being a pressure cooker, seconds from blowing its lid. but here’s the kicker: i can't burst. i'm not a pressure cooker, am i? still, the urge to just f*cking erupt is overwhelming.

it lives in the same dark corner as that gut-wrenching helplessness i feel when i think about the loved ones who've already checked out, the ones i'll never see again. but here’s the rub with this particular brand of torment: there are answers out there. there’s a resolution, some kind of salvation, lurking somewhere just out of reach. and that, my friend, makes it so much more unbearable. i’m stuck in this emotional quicksand – can’t move forward, can’t retreat. just… stuck.

and yeah, i guess things are slowly, almost imperceptibly, getting "better." but it feels flimsy, like slapping a band-aid on a gaping wound. it's not a real fix, not a long-term solution. this thing needs to heal from the inside out, regenerate, not just be patched up. a band-aid is just a temporary blip, a way to ignore the festering problem underneath. but i’m clinging to this stubborn certainty that i will find a solution. i’ll get my answers, and with them, some kind of peace.

it’s just… so much more draining, so much more exhausting than it needs to be. if people would just, for once, cooperate? if things could be handled in a civilized way? it would be quicker, so much less agonizing for everyone involved. but my hopes for that kind of enlightenment? yeah, they’re not exactly soaring. 🤷

hope it's cool to share. if there happen to be any copyright claims on it, just get in contact, please.

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Ducky, Vladi, and the Art of Obliviousness

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